Roughly three years after a band of angry right-wingers stormed Capitol Hill in protest of the 2020 election results, it appears there may be another insurrection in the works … more specifically, a Zyn-surrection spurred by scorned nicotine lovers.



The impending sequel to January 6 all began on Sunday, when Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer, proposed federal measures cracking down on Zyn.


“It's a pouch packed with problems - high levels of nicotine,” Sen. Schumer explained during a Sunday press conference. “I'm delivering a warning to parents because these nicotine pouches seem to lock their sights on young kids - teenagers, and even lower - and then use the social media to hook 'em.”



While both Zyn and its parent company, Swedish Match, have remained tight-lipped on the possible crackdown, Zyn fans have most definitely not, heading to social media with a word of warning for their elected officials  — come and take it.



“I will make Jan. 6th look like a tea party,” avowed @bigcontentguy alongside a screengrab of Sen. Schumer’s speech.



“Try it, Chuck,” wrote @UpdatingOnRome while @drunkyotes already began brainstorming possible workarounds.  


“Me and the boys schemin’ up a plan to start an illegal zyn distribution operation like the mafia did with alcohol,” they captioned a snap of Tony Soprano and his pals posted up in front of Satriale's Pork Store.


Yet amid all the backlash, Zyn fans insisting that the government would need to pry the pouches from their cold, dead gums @ManiacsMidway took a more historical approach, likening the potential crackdown from the lens of great poets past.


“First they came for the Juuls And I did not speak out Because I was not a Juul user,” he began his ode.

“Then they came for the Delta 8 pens

And I did not speak out Because I was not a Delta 8 user.

Then they came for the zyns

And there was no one left To speak out for me.”


We can only hope that Schumer and the congressional Dems heed these words of warning — lest they find their laptops up at auction in the world’s second-worst Burn After Reading reboot.